Saturday, December 31, 2005

Central heating

is overrated. I no longer have any and I don't miss it one speck. It was minus fifteen the other day (at least, Love-bird's mum called him to warn him it was) and we sat around our little plug-in electric heater in the living room enjoying the warm glow coming out of the TV and feeling all toasty in our multiple jumpers. Going into the kitchen for a beer you can see your breath, and in the hall, the condensation on the back door turned to frost overnight. At bed-time (all of us go to bed at the same time to save electricity) we carry our heater upstairs and stand it by the cold, clammy bed. Why do sheets feel damp when they're really cold? OK, that's the one problem. But since we've both got a week off, we don't have to get out of bed until the room warms up the next morning. If we had the money, we'd go to the cafe downstairs to stay warm (and pretend to be French intellectuals and philosopher over lattes amongst the bleached-blonde grannies of South Woodford.) But the supply of free (we live above!!!!) coffees has dried up for everyone but love-bird. And I'm not even sure they know he lives above, they just like his big brown eyes... How the mighty are fallen; my parents just got back from holiday to find there'd been a gas leak and all her heating and hot water had to be switched off till tuesday. So I had a call from my mum; 'Oh, hello darling, how are you?' Cut to the chase.... 'We wanted to borrow one of those electric heaters you've got, darling!' I explained there was one heater per two people in my place; one heater per four rooms in fact. 'Well we might pop by around the cocktail hour then, to say Happy New Year?' Oh? I can lay on Stella Artois... bit short on cocktails at the mo... 'Don't be silly, I'm not drinking that! Oh, and, we might need a bath at the same time, darling,' Oh well, spring will be here soon. I bet our place is lovely and cool in a heatwave... Happy 2006 everybody!

1 comment:

Josephine said...


Why do sheets feel damp when they're really cold?


I have three words for you - hot water bottle.