Wednesday, January 25, 2006

What do I tell my boss?

Everybody should have a varied repertoire of reasons to take a day off work. Really, it's only poor lying and a lack of creative thinking that lets the whole workforce down by rubbing managers' noses in it too thoroughly. So, twenty things you can call in sick with, to recycle over a yearly basis (and if you pull more than twenty sickies a year, even I think you should rethink your career.)
  1. Flu
  2. Food poisoning 1 (dodgy kebab/curry/scampi last night)
  3. Serious exposure to children with chicken-pox / mumps.
  4. 'Personal problems'
  5. Sprained ankle while decorating the attic (play up humour)
  6. Gastric flu (no one knows exactly what it is, so take two days.)
  7. Red spots
  8. Liver/ heart pains
  9. Diarrhoea
  10. Explosive diarrhoea
  11. Dizziness upon attempting to get out of bed.
  12. Concussion
  13. Food poisoning 2 ( I should never have eaten the egg rolls at that wedding. The whole party has gone down.)
  14. Blinding headaches.
  15. Temporary deafness (play this up when phoning in)
  16. Pain 'down there'
  17. 'That' tummy bug that's going round
  18. Broken finger
  19. RSS
  20. Develop and maintain a physical condition that regularly gives you pain, that your GP insists you always go and see him about; but that is a little bit mysterious and nothing you could be hospitalized for. My 'dodgy' kidneys (which are actually a bit fucked up) give me all the time off I need; even let me go home early/ come in late when I feel like it.
So there you go- there's no need to wear out that cough/cold or do what my colleague does; say 'I can't come in- I'm sick,' then drop the phone. Together we can build a bank of 365 minor one-day illnesses; and then no one would ever have to go to work again!

No comments: