Sunday, February 05, 2006

Funny tricks the mind plays

You have a job that only requires you to be actually working for about 30% of the time you are in the building (not counting tea-breaks). You have spent a long long time dividing up the hours you spend at your desk into the most energy-efficient use of your time. 30 minutes work. 20 minutes bookworm. 30 minutes research new book-club. 40 minutes write blog. 5 minutes google random things you wondered about in the night. 30 minutes work on course. 10 minutes stare at passers-by. 10 minutes read and answer work-related emails. 20 minutes read and answer personal emails. And so on, and so on. The really strange thing is that once you construct a system like this, your mind gets desperate to cheat on it. Hey look, you can't stop me, I'm gonna stare into space during allotted book-worm playing time! Hah, that's really fucked up your day! Well, no it hasn't, mind, because I'm going to be sitting here until four o'clock and if I have to spend less time messing around I can always mess around extra tomorrow! Or the day after! And even the work-related-work I complete, usually people are surprised when work is completed on time in this place, even if the public or some other bunch of freaks are relying on it or it's really important. I wonder if I won the lottery or something and had nothing to complete ever, that voice in my head would still be there going Hey, don't put the kettle on! You know it's too much effort! Don't put the kettle on! Ha, you didn't put the kettle on and now you're gonna miss valuable sunbed time! Which will make you late for those Buffy repeats you planned to watch! It's like a kind of mild self-hatred, I guess. But the part of me that hates me and wants to ruin my life is just not as clever as the part of me that doesn't. Another triumph of good against evil...

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