Saturday, May 27, 2006

24-7 Flix

Well I'd just spent much of my hour in this vile internet cafe composing a really interesting blog full of philosophy and insight. But the computer crashed. Probably an overload caused by the many teenage boys filling the vile pink interior bashing away at computer games for as long as their fat suburban pocket money will last out. So I can't be bothered to say it all again now. Sorry. I'm having a party tomorrow night at mine. You're very welcome. Bring a bottle.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Why Why Why?

The guy who does the disco at the the Pub Quiz was asking for someone to host it next week at the very same moment as I handed our answers in. It was fate... Now I have one week to come up with twenty questions suitable for the clientele of the Fox and Hounds. I know Nothing They Don't Know. Apart from stuff they don't want to know. And I have to read them out as well; I've clearly let myself in for a lot of ridicule... What am I going to do? E-mail me your quiz question suggestions. The best one will get a mystery prize...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Odds and ends

In my humble opinion, Arsenal should have won last night. As Thierry Henry (my hero/dreamboat) said, the ref was wearing a barca shirt. Actually, I know many interesting things about football, but no one ever asks me. Because love-bird knows everything there is to know about football (what was the score in the 1972 qualifier match against Hungary, darling?) and probably also because I'm a girl. Send your football questions to the usual address. I shouldn't have gone near the tequila yesterday evening. Tequila is for Bank holidays only: I don't know why I can never remember it at the time. Definitely not for the night before you start a new job. Now I'm doing that thing where you tell yourself the more water you imbibe the better you're gonna feel, and clutch huge bottles of evian while trying ineffectually to remember how to drink. It all seemed so easy last night... ...to be continued...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

All those people who wear suits to work

don't actually need to in order to do their jobs. I know. I wore a suit to work both yesterday and today. Yesterday I worked in an office (the library's history, if you didn't know that already then you missed a great weekend of celebration, chiefly in the George) in my suit... Everyone in the room was wearing a suit apart from one man who appeared to be doing exactly the same job as everybody else. But he was wearing jeans, a baseball cap and an apallingly dirty pink t-shirt. Answered the phone just as professionally. Even attended a meeting (I made the coffee, wearing my suit). Noone even seemed to notice. Or maybe I imagined him. And all those men on the tube each morning with sweat patches slowly appearing through the pinstripe; they get to their desk, take off their jacket, remove their tie and undo their top three buttons. Some even roll up their sleeves as though about to undertake some real work. Why bother putting the damn thing on in the first place? Just one of those rituals that made Britain great, I suppose.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Solitaire's the only game in town

It's so annoying. I can no longer play solitaire because I'm so good at it there's never any variation. I f I lose I know it wasn't my fault, since I couldn't play any better than I do. I might as well flip a coin. I've started playing a dodgy version of connect-four, but although the computer keeps catching me out at the moment I know it's only a matter of time...

Friday, May 05, 2006

A bad day for decency

The BNP have won a seat in my borough. In my opinion, people are not 'driven' to vote for the BNP by nine days of scandalous politics. Nine years could do it, I suppose. But anyone who casts a vote for the BNP is committing an rascist act. I wish I lived somewhere normal and ethnically diverse and inner-city again, where the worst that could happen was Labour winning hands-down again.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Spring is here

and I'm still stuck in XXXX library service. It's such a bastard. Tomorrow is going to be the hottest day of the year so far, 25 degrees according to the BBC, and I have to work from 9.30 till 8.00. I'm gonna wear a bikini under my skanky uniform and strip off during my tea-break. Why are we sending all these foreign nationals to prison anyway if they're just as dangerous when they get out? Can't we just send them all back to where they came from; Somalia and Iran and Belarus, where the prison service really works? It doesn't matter what happens to them, after they get out, if the incarceration is stringent enough to cure them of lingering,latent criminality. Wow, I feel unsafe, knowing that (although the chances of me being mugged are exactly the same), it might not be by a British national!!!!! I wanna be attacked by one of my own people, Charles! Sort it out!!!! Actually, can't we deport all criminals? Apart from obvious good patriots like football hooligans, insider traders, BNP members and the Thatcher family. They're just doing it for the good of the country.We outsource loads of industries and services to India and China. We send the rest of our rubbish to Indonesia and Singapore to be recycled, why don't we send our rubbish people? A short prison term in Singapore with Gary Glitter will sort them right out. For more information vote Tory David Eveleigh in Forest Gate South. David, a Gay Jewish Fascist who works for Wetherspoons in a pub which resembles a map of the British Empire in its clientele, probably wanted to stand for the BNP. But for some reason they're not fighting for Forest Gate. (Eveleigh, David Michael 24 Salmen Road Plaistow London E13 0DT Conservative Party Candidate)