Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Best 3... bartender songs

You know that song that describes exactly how you're feeling? It's quite difficult to write one about how you feel when you work behind the bar at Wetherspoons, because there are only three feelings:
1. I want to kill myself

Friday, March 16, 2012

Do fuck off... a rare grammar-based rant


I have recently come into contact with a party unnamed who has a nasty little habit. Scattered liberally through their communiqués I find this grammatical construction:
Do please drop into my office this week.
This event is going to be really useful – so do go along!
Originally I, sunny soul that I am, assumed that this meant I had a choice- perhaps I would ‘drop in’, perhaps I wouldn’t. I might go to the talk, but then again I might just watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer instead. This led, inevitably, to problems. The next step was to challenge the orders- ‘I won’t be coming to your office because I am not available that day.’ Of course, the person in question responded with a cheeky little ‘That’s completely up to you.’ Well, it wasn’t, because as you can probably imagine, they had all the power in our relationship. And I let it go so far that eventually I was penalised for choosing not to do what I had been told. And then it hit me. 

The attempted tempering of the imperative with the use of the auxiliary verb 'do' is fundamentally passive-aggressive in nature.